Dear Friends,
This week, in Parshat Pinchas, Moses hears something devastating: he won’t be entering the Promised Land. After forty years of leadership, enormous challenges, and steadfast hope despite it all, he’ll get to see the land from a distance, but he won’t be able to live there, or even set foot inside it.
He doesn’t take the news lightly. In Devarim Rabbah 11:6, the ancient rabbis imagine Moses pleading with God not once, but 515 times, the numerical value of the word va’etchanan, “I pleaded.” This image feels so relatable – Moses gets this heart-shattering news and he just begs, again and again, to be allowed to finish the journey. There’s even a midrash in Sifrei Devarim 305 where Moses says that he’d be willing to enter the land not as a person but as a beast of the field, grazing on grass – just please, God, let him cross the border. When that’s denied, he asks to be buried in the land, like Joseph. And when that too is denied, he finally lets go.
But even then, in his heartbreak and shock, Moses focuses on his people. In Yalkut Shimoni on Parshat Pinchas (another midrash), he says to God, “If I must die, at least appoint a leader who will care for them as I did.” He asks for someone to guide them after he’s gone. He blesses Joshua, the one who will take over when he’s gone. And then, somehow, he keeps going.
Moses teaches. He organizes. He tells stories. He does the whole book of Deuteronomy! He helps the Israelites prepare for a future he won’t be part of. I feel like this is the Torah I need right now. Moses grieves and grieves, but he also doesn’t walk away from the work. He is so real about how he’s feeling, and he’s also so very much there for his people. He continues the project.
So for all of us dealing with grief, disappointment, or a sense of failure, on a personal, communal, or existential level: Like Moses, may we be able to express and honor our feelings. And may we still care about that which is meaningful. May we still give of ourselves to the extent that we still can. May we be like Moses, still blessing one another through it all.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Hannah